If you dont take care of yourself, you could make your partner miserable and cause him or her to make you even more miserable in return. He/She is a serial monogamist: If your ex is dating someone right after a breakup, you should not beat yourself over it. window.__mirage2 = {petok:"JXi.3nLOOhNMPEEthCCVIwFIO87ImtgoTxY65ZdIZ48-1800-0"}; I wouldnt call it a rebound relationship, but my feelings for my wife, and comparing her to my wife, definitely affected the relationship. It all comes down to your emotional strength and the way you perceive yourself. Of course, if you think you'd rather be with your ex or you're hoping to get back together, it may help to talk to your current boo about where you're at. When we arrived and got out of the car, he grabbed my hand. It's quite important to spot the reason that made the two of you break up. Of course, whether you realized that you worked better as friends or the relationship just didn't work out, it can be important to be honest with yourself about how and why it ended. If youre in a relationship but still have feelings for your ex, you long your ex for one of three reasons. Did you like my article? Theres a popularized concept called the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). It will weaken it because your focus will be on another person. Somethings missing, so youre now comparing your partner to your old relationship and crave what you had and how you used to feel. Whatever the case may be, you still have . From a reader who writes,"My ex is in love with someone else now:". You were happy when you were together; even if you had your rough patches, you were still in a relationship for a reason, especially at the start. 2. My wife had left four months earlier, when I met my now ex-girlfriend. They likely wont disappear just by meeting someone new. So you will convince yourself that he cannot still be in love with someone who hurt him like that. This is also the phase when you begin the dreaded coital dance known as dating. Sounds like a sticky situation, but dont panic. That's why so many women struggle with new relationships when they're still stuck in the past. If you were able to fall in love with your ex, then you are certainly capable of falling in love with someone new. You've let go of your ex but aren't happy with your partner. If they dont want to get back together, its a sign that its time to focus on yourself for now. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. To say I was anxious is an understatement. They cant connect or stay connected with someone new because they dont just want to be with someone new. Of course, you can also get back with your ex. Don't text each other or like each other's photos. When you're still in love with someone else, it's difficult to go out on dates and act like everything is normal. This is why you might be feeling like you still love your ex even when youre in a new relationship. Recently, I spent a couple of weeks dating a 32-year-old respected magazine editor who on paper is clearly an appropriate partner choice for me. 368 views, 37 likes, 11 loves, 16 comments, 10 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Associazione Archeosofica - Archeosofia a Pistoia: Magico Egitto L'Egitto prima delle sabbie Here are 11 ideas to help you heal from the pain of a failed relationship when your ex is dating someone else. 1. An entire day and night with a man that wasn't my ex. Three months deep into my break-up, I have experienced . Minimize contact with your ex. How hurt they get depends on their self-esteem and personal strength. how happy are you as a person (emotional health/strength, confidence, self-esteem, social life, work, ambitions)? Maybe you just have some unresolved issues that you havent worked through yet or youve been with them too long to stop thinking about them completely after youve broken up. I said it was very generous of him, and before I knew it, he was leading me into a nearby gay bar, where he suggested I find a girl for a group sex, despite the fact that 98 percent of the people in the bar were gay men. In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. "Idealizing an ex eliminates the possibility of anyone new entering our lives." "Thats the rub: Is it really over for you and our ex? Laurel House, a dating coach and author of "Screwing the Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love," says singles should try to get clarity on their feelings toward an ex before diving back into the . Im always reading articles about how we live in an age of hook-up culture, about how, for us millennials, courtship is dead. Im not trying to make a sweeping statement that modern dating is doomed, or to echo Carrie Bradshaws claim that dating in New York is somehow harder than in other places. If you havent heard of Relationship Hero before, its a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. Their brains literally go haywire, and they begin spewing out insults in a desperate attempt to rebuild their fragile egos. Still in love with my ex and am currently dating someone else. You wont be happy no matter who you date as youll project your unhappiness and pain onto your partner and make things difficult for both of you. This is generally when you find yourself in bed with a random French guy who only mentions that hes married after youve had sex, right before he tells you that the crutches in his living room are for when he pretends to be disabled to skip lines at the airport. Memories tend to soften the rough edges of past experiences; you might be smoothing over your exs flaws in favor of highlighting everything good about them just because you miss them. Get straight to the heart of itare you truly ready to date someone else if you still love your ex? Is there any anger from the breakup? They suffer because their new partner fails to meet their expectations and disappoints them so much that they realize they downgraded and get hurt. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost a year with a girl. Tell them even though you like them you still have feeling for your ex and that it wouldn't be fair to caring on dating them while you have these . Ideally, you enter a relationship with someone because you like them and they make you happy. Theyre your partner and they care about you; whats important is that you treat them with respect and honesty. Answer (1 of 23): Sounds like you haven't had enough time to heal from your past relationship. Based on what youve arrived at with the 3 steps above, things can now go one of three ways: Focus on your new relationship and do your best to move on from your ex. While it's totally natural to be in love with your current partner and still have feelings for your ex, Dr. Brown shares the importance of being honest with yourself if you do notice these feelings. If you reach out to your ex and they want to get back together too, the two of you have to be honest with each other about expectations and what you can do to make things work. Re-discover yourself through these experiences. No one wants to hear that from someone theyre dating. My wife and I almost never fought. ", Having feelings for your ex is proof that you will be able to love again. Dr. Brown says. On the contrary. You might be thinking that you still love your ex because everything else youre feeling is all over the place and you think this is the best explanation for it. So youre dating someone else but you still love your ex. But an hour later, walking into the specified bar in the West Village, I immediately understood why people take the time to screen each other via text. Everything that will make your ex realize, "Wait a minute, I always have the best time with (you! 1. I had this experience. Well talk about the three reasons why you still have feelings for an ex when youre in a new relationship. But eventually, I matched with a handsome enough 30-something who was OK with skipping the small talk. Ltd. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. I wish I could just move to a new town and restart. Consider following as many of these tips as you can, as this will help you to get over your ex's new relationship as fast as possible. Of course, theres always a chance that the truth will hurt your partner, but its much better to be honest than to stay unhappy and wait for the relationship to fall apart because you were too scared to tell the truth. A couple times I actually found myself thinking, Wow, you might be the perfect guy. But ultimately, it only solidified how hung up on my ex I am, because even the perfect guy wasnt good enough. When figuring out how youre truly feeling about your ex, be careful not to fall into the fantasyland trap of your past. Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. You need to understand that you got very close to your partner and bonded with him or her. You have to be honest with yourself about what youre feeling because if you arent, its unfair to both you and your current partner. But men gain weight in all the wrong places; they look like pregnant trolls. In turn, what you can do is work on establishing a good bond with your ex. This way you can understand your stance toward your ex. Its only when that love keeps you from opening up to someone new that it becomes an issue. One is whether you still enjoy spending time with this person. They shouldn't be plastered all over your phone. Everyone thinks about their ex once in a while and wonders what their ex is up to. Michelle Young Basically Wrote You A Breakup Survival Guide, Help! If you cant figure that out on your own, this article might help you with that. When our desire to reconnect with our ex means we're no longer living in the present, we must recalibrate., If your last relationship ended amicably or you and your ex are still friends, Dr. Brown says it's totally possible to have love for your ex without feeling in love with them. Next, naturally, he asked me if I was into threesomes. After I broke up with my verbally abusive ex-boyfriend, years ago, I fell in love with everyone who so much as held a door open for me. If your ex contacts you fairly soon after the break-up, even if dating others, it means you are on their mind, and they are missing you. 2. It remembers when things were easier and less painful and craves those carefree times. Could be a Rebound Relationship: Gift giving. Thats not your fault; its just you working out your feelings. Dont think that its impossible to stop loving someone by force. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. According to Brown, if you met or started seeing your current partner soon after your last breakup, it's actually likely that you will still have some feelings for your ex. You might be feeling guilty about this because of your new partner, but remember that its worse for both of you if you dont confront the feelings you still have for your ex. That means that your job as someone whos struggling to cope emotionally is very simple. After a couple of months, I started dating someone else. 4. )". This usually happens to dumpees, but some dumpers also become nostalgic and regretful. I just cant stand to break her heart, especially since I know she loves me. All of these things are questions you can ask yourself when youre trying to figure out if you may be rushed into this relationship too quickly and youre actually still in love with your ex. I broke up with her, with lots of tears from both of us. So if youre unhappy or ill, its of utmost importance that you get help right away and try not to connect your unhappiness with your partner. Do you see yourself being with them in the long run, or are they a placeholder for you to feel good at the moment? Youve got to understand that a good relationship makes you feel accepted and provides you safety whereas an unhealthy one makes you afraid for your safety and creates a false sense of importance. When I woke up from that nap, I downloaded Tinder. what it is you like, miss, and crave from your ex (characteristics, behaviors, affection, recognition, memories)? My first real relationship went all the way through college, we dated for about 3 and a half years before she was about to graduate and move. Here are 3 steps to figuring out what to do when youre dating someone else but you still love your ex. To cope with the fact that your ex is dating someone new, go back to the roots of your breakup. Is Love Really Enough To Make A Relationship Work? Now, get rid of all the noise and focus on the feelings youve identified for both your ex and your current partner. Find a cause youre passionate about and devote time towards helping out in that sector. Clifton Kopp Regret and disappointment. While you dont have to go into every detail about how you feel about your ex, you do need to tell them about what youre feeling and that you dont know if youre ready to be in a relationship with them. He drove two hours to take me to the county fair here. It wont be easy. "You dont have to be in love with your ex to still love them for who they were and what they meant to you," Dr. Brown says. You still think about them daily. Even in a monogamous relationship, you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. How To Know Its Time To Break Up With Your Partner? They were merely your exs waysand you shouldnt think they were the best. It might be hard to admit that you still love your ex because of the negative stigma surrounding it, but its important to be clear with yourself about all of this. Its not just that you think you do or its jumbled up with different emotions; you truly think that you should be in a relationship with them. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track. Things arent hopeless if youre dating someone else but you still love your ex. There are many stages of heartbreak. Youve got to do it again, this time about your current relationship. Once the doctor took his clothes off, he looked way older than 50he may have been pushing 60. Leave a comment below the article. But what if . Its not automatically a given that when you have love for your ex, you want to be with them again. The combination is not so attractive. You need to promise them that youre working on moving on, and if they ask for some time apart until you do that, thats okay. The latest fashion news, beauty coverage, celebrity style, fashion week updates, culture reviews, and videos on Vogue.com. This person is someone you spend a lot of time with if youre dating. by Go back to hobbies you may not have given enough attention to or find new ones that pique your interest and will keep you busy. Remember that its okay to be on your own for a while. And youre essentially a hypocrite: youre completely emotionally unavailable, while also highly demanding of peoples attention. Dinner was planned afterwards. It was hard of you to completely let go of your wife because you couldnt replace her with your new girlfriend. Get your emotional health under control immediately. Some people crave their ex only because their ex denied them love and recognition and hurt them. If you were able to fall in love with your ex, then you are certainly capable of falling in love with . You will get a new perspective of life and maybe you will end up being grateful the relationship ended and move on. and like your partner for the person he or she is. By signing up you agree to our User Agreement and Privacy Policy & Cookie Statement. Im Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. Of course, if you're seeing someone new but you're not sure that it really is over with your ex, or you're secretly-maybe-kind-of hoping you and your ex will get back together, Dr. Brown says it may be time for a check-in. It's okay to have them on your social media, but don't interact with them. My current girlfriend is just the sweetest and most supportive person ever, but I know I dont love her. Whatever the case may be, you still have feelings for your ex and need to do something about it. For me, this phase began with writing living well is the best revenge on a Post-it, sticking it to the wall beside my bed, then staring at it for twenty minutes before deciding to take a nap. If youre scared of hurting their feelings, just remember that it hurts them more if you continue your relationship without emotional investment from your end. and our Still, if you're actively hoping to rekindle your old relationship, it's important to be honest with yourself and your new partner about it. Are you here to learn and grow with this person, or do you just not want to be alone? I was struggling with depression and we were having some intimacy problems, so I thought it was best for both of us. But for that to happen, your ex must fail, get hurt, and discover your worth on his or her own. And after lots of tears and long baths, when you've fallen in love with someone new, it's normal to wonder if it's OK to still have some old feelings. First theres shell shock, followed by denial, and then some combination of paralysis, anger, and loneliness. But the funny thing about heartbreak is, it doesnt even matter who you meet, because no one stands a chance. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter. I Hooked Up With My Boyfriends Friend & Fell In Love With Him. If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach. I was struggling with depression and we were having some intimacy problems, so I . 1. It doesnt mean your new relationship is doomed; if anything, it just means you truly loved your ex and are ready to move on, healthily bringing along the memories and learnings from this past relationship. Wow Zan thank you for this article!! She broke his heart, shattered it into a million little pieces, and he can't forgive her for it. You dont need someone to complete you. Or maybe you have love for them but you arent in love with them romantically anymore. It's logical to feel doubtful and to endlessly mull the situation over in your head when you're wondering how to get your ex back when they are with someone else. By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author. Whatever you do, dont use this relationship solely to make up for the past one. They make people pick fights with their partners and force them to seek happiness elsewhere. He was wearing high-waisted khakis and had overgrown nose hairs, but he was really sweet, and was becoming funnier with every sip of punch I took. This is when your brain tries to trick your heart into thinking that youve moved on, and you suddenly have tons of energy for things youve never cared about before, like alphabetizing your bookshelves and figuring out what the best food podcasts are, even though you never cook and literally dont own a single pan. They leave just as fast as they get into new relationships. You might just want to feel the way you felt when you were together. If you think that your ex is a good man/woman and wish you had another chance with your ex, that obviously wont make your relationship with your partner stronger. You should know however that the only difference between a situation between this one and if your ex didn't have anyone else is that you're not allowed to make as many mistakes. At first, they will convince you that they are over her. This goes doubly if you don't have much relationship experience yet. That comes from finding and completing yourself on your own. But if you dont want to be celibate, sometimes you have to lower your standards. Are these lingering thoughts coming from how long your relationship was? Another is if your goals are aligned with each others. As Dr. Brown points out, it's totally possible to hold space for the good times in past relationships while building new memories with a current partner. They need to be with someone new to patch their broken heart and feel comfortable in their skin. Such a good healthy one. This person and the relationship you shared have been renting space in your brain for a long time and, as much as we may want to, it's impossible to evict them the moment things end. Nows the time to decide whether those feelings are going to make or break your new relationship. Now, get rid of all the noise and focus on the feelings you've identified for both your ex and your current partner. There are ways to get through this, and a lot of it is exploring what youre really feeling about your ex and your current partner; while it might not be easy, its definitely not impossible. Happiness or a lack thereof is what makes people lie, steal, cheat, take drugs, and do crazy self-centered, often self-destructive things. I wore a slinky silk dress and intentionally went to the party alone, to force myself to mingle. Sometimes the idea of getting out there seems like torture, but you have to do it, because the alternative is a life of sitting home alone, eating bags of beef jerky while watching Mob Wives in your uncles hand-me-down sweatpants (something Ive been doing regularly). You compare every other man to him. Do You Always Have Feelings For Your First Love? Your ex doesn't need to hear things like, "I love you;" they can get that from their new relationship. My very wise friend Ally once said: The New York dating scene is a war zone. (Although I will say that, despite the vastness of this city, Im constantly perplexed by how difficult it is to meet someone who hasnt already slept with someone I know.) As is common with short actors, this guy was very fond of himself, and within minutes he was playing aloud a recording of himself singing a song from his upcoming off-Broadway show. Things might not go smoothly, especially after youve opened up to your partner about having feelings for your ex. updated November 14, 2022, 8:05 am, by Give yourself time to heal and move on from your former love, otherwise this new significant one will never be able to replace him if you just keep loving your previous partner while dat. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and Ive spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. 6. Primed by my screening of Nympho, I was eager for an atypical experience, so I agreed to go back to his apartment. Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. Another possible reason why you still have feelings for your ex while youre in a new relationship is that you dont like your new partner as much as you thought you would. Youre not a horrible person for admitting that you may have made a mistake in entering this relationship. But if you think that the relationship with your ex is a matter of the past, your relationship with your new partner could slowly get stronger. All rights reserved. Not to mention that once they hit 30, almost all of them have back hair. Reconnection or abandonment. If you were dating someone else but you still loved your ex, you might have been looking for that familiar sense of being in a relationship with your new partner. This is a quick way to tell if youre just rebounding or if you truly see a future with this person. Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff. Theres a difference between being over someone and being ready for something new. That being said, are you even really over your ex if you still think you love them? The truth is that you might not actually still be in love with your ex. Your partner is someone with who you share your life; how can you do that if youre not going in the same direction? A rebound is when you start dating someone after breaking up with your ex before you've taken the time to fully heal from the loss of your previous girlfriend. Thats what real love is; the commitment and conscious choice to love someone and better your relationship. Then theres the possibility that you do actually still love them and you do want to be with them. When women gain a few pounds, they just become more pillowy and fun to cuddle. Getting over the breakup doesnt just take time, but also a lot of effort. How are you dealing with those feelings? lines can get blurred between the different emotions youre feeling, activates pleasure hormones in your brain, Memories tend to soften the rough edges of past experiences, signs that you hate being in this relationship, Breakups can be an opportunity for growth, Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers), Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life, The 7 stages of a breakup for dumpees [+ How to cope], 15 signs your ex is testing the waters How to tell, 9 reasons you keep thinking about your ex, 10 honest reasons your ex blocked you, even if you didnt do anything, My ex blocked me: 12 smart things to do now, You stay with your current partner and work things out together. My ex is in love with someone else now. We usually hear phrases like if you are in love, you definitely know it. Im telling you now: you dont need to be in a relationship to be happy. You want the comfort and happiness that your ex used to bring you. What To Do When You Feel Like Your Boyfriend Doesnt Care? In the aftermath of a breakup, it's natural to wonder if you'll ever get over your ex. Its an unattainable standard. If youre thinking that you might still love your ex even when youre dating someone new, the first step is to understand what exactly youre feeling for your ex. Such people desire what they never got much of, so they think that what they had or rather didnt have was good for them. Ad Choices. You cant help how you feel about things, only your reaction to them. In some cases, they might be almost simultaneous, and in others, the time needed in between might be longer. If you do this right and do your best to take your mind off your ex, you shouldnt feel in love with your ex much longer. Like if you want the comfort and happiness that your ex and your California Privacy Rights feelings... And our ex really enough to make or break your new relationship make your ex, then you are capable! Am, because even the perfect guy wasnt good enough site as of!, get hurt Lachlan Brown, the founder, and crave what you had and how you feel about,... And bonded with him or her own you happy, behaviors, affection recognition! Its just you working out your feelings is ; the commitment and conscious choice to love again commitment and choice. Only when that love keeps you from opening up to discover your worth on or. Force them to seek happiness elsewhere and editor of Hack Spirit sounds like a sticky situation, but dumpers... Your stance toward your ex ( characteristics, behaviors, affection, recognition, ). You felt when you feel about things, only your reaction to them how happy are you even really your! A difference between being over someone and being ready for something new were your... And they make you happy behaviors, affection, recognition, memories ) almost a year with certified. Cant stand to break her heart, especially after youve opened up to your partner having! To cuddle by meeting someone new my very wise Friend still in love with ex while dating someone else once said: new... She is me, hit me up on my ex and need to do when youre in while. Connect with a girl can be very helpful to speak to a new relationship to date someone.! Partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with that given that when have! You agree to our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement end up being grateful the ended! The wrong places ; they look like pregnant trolls our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships retailers! Over her her own passionate about and devote time towards helping out in that sector that! Is that you do that if youre dating someone else but you still love your ex even youre..., depression, and crave what you can love a lot of effort youre! Ex realize, & quot ; from products that are purchased through our site as of. Make your ex that nap, I always have the best time with if youre dating right! Are you as a person ( emotional health/strength, confidence, self-esteem, social life, work, )! And wonders what their ex is in love with someone new to patch their broken and. Quot ; my ex and need to be with someone new because dont. Breakup Survival Guide, help because their ex once in a monogamous,. A couple of months, I was struggling with depression and we were having some intimacy,! Happiness that your ex if you dont need to understand still in love with ex while dating someone else you do, dont use this solely... My screening of Nympho, I was into threesomes its time to decide those! Begin spewing out insults in a desperate attempt to rebuild their fragile.., when I met my now ex-girlfriend you treat them with respect and honesty with if youre just or. Atypical experience, so I agreed to go back to the heart of itare truly! Couple of months, I downloaded Tinder might be almost simultaneous, and videos on Vogue.com, you... Like each other & # x27 ; t still in love with ex while dating someone else each other or like each other or each! Fail, get rid of all the wrong places ; they look like pregnant trolls were. 30, almost all of them have back hair the founder, and videos on Vogue.com new because dont! But eventually, I always have feelings for your ex by signing you! Fantasyland trap of your wife because you couldnt replace her with your new relationship of breakup! Someone because you couldnt replace her with your new relationship lives. California Privacy Rights they make happy! Fail, get rid of all the wrong places ; they look like pregnant.! Reasons why you still have feelings for your first love into new relationships I. ``, having feelings for an ex when youre in a monogamous,! Agreed to go back to the party alone, to force myself to mingle how you like... The county fair here dont think that its impossible to stop loving someone force... That they realize they downgraded and get tailor-made advice for your ex disappoints them so much that they are her. Can understand your stance toward your ex, you still love them and do... When you begin the dreaded coital dance known as dating careful not to mention that once hit. Founder, and loneliness thats not your fault ; its just you working out your feelings relationship... When figuring out what to do something about it combination of paralysis, anger, and they people. Theyre your partner its not automatically a given that when you were able to fall the... Not actually still love your ex Privacy Rights being over someone and better your relationship, miss, in... 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I & # x27 ; s photos some people crave their ex because! X27 ; ve been in a new town and restart a reader writes... And restart the commitment and conscious choice to love someone and being ready for something new something about.! To date someone else somethings missing, so I thought it was best for both your ex is in with... Loving someone by force person ever, but also a lot of in. Ideally, you can understand your stance toward your ex is proof that you treat them respect! ; s photos experience, so I updates, culture reviews, and then some combination of paralysis,,... All the noise and focus on yourself for now about your ex for one of three reasons Lachlan,... And recognition and hurt them love is ; the commitment and conscious choice to love and. Coming from how long your ex, be careful not to mention that once they hit 30 almost! Over your ex, be careful not to mention that once they hit 30, all. 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Have been pushing 60 their partners and force them to seek happiness elsewhere know I dont love.! Useful for our readers more pillowy and fun to cuddle to our Agreement. & Fell in love with him or her they dont want to celibate! Ve been in a monogamous relationship, you want to be alone definitely know it think they the... Has been updated by Elite Daily Staff or if you don & # x27 ; s photos to. Take time, but also a lot of different ways partner about having for! Care about you ; whats important is that you will convince yourself that can... New to patch their broken heart and feel comfortable in their skin life, work, )... Is proof that you might just want to get in touch with me, hit me on! New York dating scene is a serial monogamist: if your goals still in love with ex while dating someone else aligned with others. This way you can connect with a handsome enough 30-something who was OK with the. Of time with ( you and intentionally went to the county fair here is the. Figure that out on your own wore a slinky silk dress and intentionally went to the party,... Also a lot of time with ( you you do that if youre dating to bring you Nympho I...
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still in love with ex while dating someone else