In a nutshell, intermittent reinforcement is a form of torture: its manipulation by way of withholding. When this happens, the person on the receiving end of the silent treatment must continue to wrestle with their pain and disappointment alone. February 2017 So, its fairly safe to assume that if youre worried that youre the narcissist, you might not be. The silent treatment is a tactic I've never used. Afraid No Contact Isnt Working (Read This), What happens to you when you ghost someone versus going no contact on them, The secret that almost no one gets on their first try with no contact and ghosting, Youre giving in to your anxious tendencies by neglecting yourself and making it all about your ex, Youre not giving your ex any time away from you at all. The silent treatment and stonewalling can have actual effects on the brain. But that's pretty much where the similarities end. And, on a slightly more relevant note, when my ex-husband would be in the wrong mood, hed take sort of a bullying tone with communication. It is the personal relations equivalent of a nuclear winter. Dont fall for it. Thats where theyll tell everyone you know (and even some people you dont know) about what a horrible partner, son, daughter, sister, brother, employee or whatever you are, so that they can get attention from other people, who will feel sorry for them and give them more narcissistic supply you know, attention, validation, pity. Now, there is such a thing as narcissistic fleas and that might be where your confusion is here. Another option is to let the narcissist know that them being silent is not a responsible way to deal with their pain. You are neither an untalented parent nor a juvenile lover out for a short term "improvement" with no basis in sincerity. After being back for six months or so, I called it one day and totally freaked out I sounded completely weird to myself. That brings me to my next point. I suppose that was the intention of the last communication from my ex - to plant in my mind the notion that the undoing of our relationship is somehow my doing, that we still have a connection left to sever or salvage at will. In other words, the narcissist will call you a narcissist to get you to accept the blame for everything that theyve done wrong (plus anything you did in reaction to said wrongdoing) and then get you back into their little circle of narcissistic supply. In your case, it seems that you are in NC because you want to move on, not because you are trying to punish your ex. November 2019 August 2015 Of course, it gets really confusing because technically speaking ghosting operates in a very similar way to no contact so people often get confused when looking at the two. Someone who does this is not coming from a healthy communicative place. Lets do this. Have you ever worried that you might be the narcissist? Well, they feel a strange kind of validation and satisfaction. Understand the difference between Not know and Silent treatment. Are we all toxic narcissists because we choose to go no contact?. Your email address will not be published. This little mind game is quite effective, especially when done over the course of several years in a relationship, and it helps the narcissist sort of brainwash you into doing what they want. And then theres no contact, which, if were being honest, is both a coping mechanism as well as a technique that is practically required to heal after narcissistic abuse. Will he realise that hes made a mistake? After being back for six months or so, I called it one day and totally freaked out I sounded completely weird to myself. The silent treatment will make him wonder what YOU'RE thinking. January 2018 2. So what differentiates no contact from the silent treatment and ghosting? In other words, even when they are doing no contact they are literally thinking only about that ex. This can be drama-related or it can be an attempt to reconcile the relationship or to get you to break no contact. QueenBeeing.com is a BlissFireMedia, LLC Production If someone is giving you the silent treatment or ghosting you, they do not necessarily intend to completely end contact with you they simply intend to hurt, manipulate and control you. If the guy is expecting you to reply and you don't, he's going to wonder why. May 2017 In our experience the no contact rule is usually reserved for those individuals who are harboring hopes that they want to get their exes back. How did or does the person youre going no contact with make you feel when you spend time around them? Ghosting is the dark twin to that phenomenon except instead of anxious tendencies taking over its the avoidant tendencies. Hoovering is what we call it when the narcissist tries to suck you back in after the discard. I always thought the difference between the silent treatment and NC is that the former, the person can be right next to you but they refuse to talk to you verbally, but their body language can speak volumes. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. NC is not the same as the silent treatment. But I do think there is a difference between a strategy like no contact and the silent treatment. The silent treatment is passive-aggressive and abusive, while no contact is really less about the narcissist and more about you. But thats pretty much where the similarities end. You stop seeing, speaking to, and interacting with the narcissist. People who ghost will cut you off because they find it easier to deal with the problem. Ghosting can be done for the same reason, or it can be done out of pure selfishness and a lack of concern for your feelings and wellbeing. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. We feel deeply and we arent bullies. The point is to get you to understand the other person is unhappy with you. There is no hope for reconciliation. The silent treatment is meant to gain control over you, the relationship or the situation. I declined her Press J to jump to the feed. It is designed to (1) place the abuser in a position of control; (2) silence the target . Specifically, he knows that a silent treatment doesn't last forever and, therefore, the same rule must apply to the No Contact Rule. But while most narcissists have also suffered some form of trauma, usually in childhood, their reasons for giving you the silent treatment or ghosting you are usually not directly related to it (but it can be indirectly related since their impulsiveness and lack of empathy probably stem from their reaction to that trauma). You are not doing anything TO them, other than not allowing them to be part of your life. Are we just as bad as the narcissist for choosing to end contact? So, what is the bottom line here? Required fields are marked *. In a nutshell, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where the narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you dont realize what is happening. If you are the victim of intermittent reinforcement, you may feel confused and emotionally raw. February 2018 To a narcissist, there's absolutely no difference between a silent treatment and a little dose of no contact and, hell, he knows all about the dynamics of a silent treatment. The answer lies in one word - intention. And, whether you were raised by, married to or otherwise engaged with the narcissist in your own life, you KNOW they know they can get it from you. Do you care how people feel and sometimes change your behavior because of how someone else feels? No contact is a measure of absolute last resort. But thats pretty much where the similarities end. It involves removing yourself from the narcissists life. There will never be closure with an extreme narcissist, only pain when there is contact. Silent Treatment vs. No Contact. People who use the silent treatment as a means of control want to put you in your place. Anything that might be seen in a negative light or that doesnt portray them as the vision of perfection they have for themselves? Every time a narcissist does not choose to engage with you, it is not always either or (ST/NC). The "Silent treatment " is when you are engaged in a relationship with someone like a parent and child or a husband and wife, and one person is not talking to the other as a means of punishing them. One therefore moves on. We know that one of the biggest red flags of a toxic narcissist is that they refuse to take responsibility for anything other than positive things they (or others) do. We wont send you spam. Ghosting as a means of Silent Treatment In the world of narcissism, victims of emotional abuse get ghosted all the time. How to Deal with the Silent Treatment. Take this test and find out now. No Contact, The Silent Treatment and Ghosting: What's the Difference. Your head will spin for a while until it doesn't. You will learn with No Contact that your playmate has chosen to be mean, cruel, and psychologically abusive. And thats exactly what we do when were using the no contact method to heal ourselves. You dont have an ulterior motive that involves them at all youre just trying to get away from them so you can have the space you need to heal. Question of the day: Have you ever worried that no contact, ghosting, and silent treatment were all the same thing? They hardly ever make you feel good these days, but they may have once made your heart soar. I think you and I both know the answer to that one. I get why they feel this way its a little confusing. Basically, if you are going no contact, youre doing that in order to prevent further abuse and trauma being inflicted on you by a person who has proven repeatedly that they will never stop hurting you. The problem with techniques like ghosting or the silent treatment is that if you use them on your partner you are simply giving in to your anxious or avoidant side and thats ultimately not attractive. Basically, if you are going no contact, youre doing that in order to prevent further abuse and trauma being inflicted on you by a person who has proven repeatedly that they will never stop hurting you. And second, in addition to projecting their own bad behavior and qualities on to you, the narcissist is, in a way, gaslighting you with this kind of accusation. Share your thoughts, share your ideas, and share your experiences in the comments section below this video, and lets talk about it! This does more damage to the relationship than good. Specifically, he knows that a silent treatment doesn't last forever and, therefore, the same rule must apply to the No Contact Rule. We know that one of the biggest red flags of a toxic narcissist is that they refuse to take responsibility for anything other than positive things they (or others) do. Getting the person stellar treatment, full time care giving. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you dont realize what is happening. Its been my experience that folks with an avoidant attachment style tend to greatly value their independence. I feel that when I do contact him again and meet up for the discussion that he basically will end it there as he isnt the type to do it over text and my stuff is at his. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. And even if they do, they are unlikely to be bothered by your feelings. December 2015 We are so different from narcissists. This is emotional. Or, in some cases, they simply just dont care or dont think about how their behavior would make you feel. One therefore moves on. Again, the narcissist is often trying to get something from you when they give you the silent treatment. Unsubscribe at any time. Or, in some cases, they simply just dont care or dont think about how their behavior would make you feel. Often, this is the result of a narcissistic injury. What do you call it after a 20 yr marriage? In no contact, you arent trying to hurt the narcissist youre just trying to save yourself. June 2020 August 2016 You're not a mind-reader. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. With NC, you are not speaking to the person as a means to move on.With the silent treatment, your main goal is to punish the other person. One is an act of self-protection & self-preservation and the other an act of punishment & manipulation. See video on YouTube!). If the silent treatment is a form of narcissistic abuse, does going no contact make you a narcissist? Traditional addiction treatments follow evidence-based and "tried and tested" approaches, while the modern approach to addiction treatment is more holistic and experiential. How did or does the person youre going no contact with make you feel when you spend time around them? Most of the time, these comments are on videos related to the silent treatment, ghosting or things narcissists do or say in any given situation. Answer (1 of 9): This depends on the person. Alternatives to the Silent Treatment. Most of our clients exhibit anxious behaviors after a breakup while their exes tend to be avoidant. Family gets him fans brings him to the west coast and he cuts off communication. March 2019 For me, silent treatment is worse because I'm a communicator. Summary. One of the most common concerns is whether going no contact makes you a narcissist. Usually their ex will text them or theyll feel bad about cutting their ex off and theyll re-engage with them. October 2016 June 2016 And, in all cases, the end of contact can be done without a word to the other person involved. I recently came across articles that "Silent Treatment" was abusive & narcissistic so then I started stressing that I was a toxic person when all I was trying to do was to protect my sanity. April 2017 Namely the fact that the no contact rule should only used after a breakup to "outgrow your ex." The silent treatment occurs when one romantic partner refuses to communicate with the other partner but there's usually no defined end to it. Its employed by individuals with extreme avoidant tendencies who think that its better to run from their problems than to talk through them. Or, as you are compared to the narcissist. November 2015 Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. If you are not, you would have answered yes to number one and most likely, youd find yourself feeling terrible, unlovable, worthless or otherwise negative when you have spent time with the person in question. In other words, their anxious tendencies tend to overtake them. March 2017 People . After years of searching for an answer we think we found it and it lies with the concept of attachment gravity. No contact is a measure of absolute last resort. So, when that independence becomes threatened through the intimacy that a relationship provides they tend to disappear. Lets do this. 2. Weve established multiple times that no contact can improve the odds of making an ex miss you but the thing no one talks about is why. If I stay being nice as I always have been and dont contact him like we usually do which is every day. The differences between the silent treatment, ghosting and no contact go much deeper and are significant. In my opinion the silent treatment will occur during a relationship and is usually a warning sign that things arent great. April 2018 It is often just one component in a pattern of emotional abuse. December 2017 Spoiler alert: one of these ways is to do a walk and talk. The silent treatment is cruel, and no one deserves to be dealt the silent treatment. And, in all cases, the end of contact can be done without a word to the other person involved. What is going on when the narcissist calls you a narcissist for going no contact? But first, remember to stay calm. The differences between the silent treatment, ghosting and no contact go much deeper and are significant. Do not break NC. When someone accuses you of being a narcissist, Projection, Gaslighting, and the Smear Campaign, Bottom Line: The Difference Between No Contact, Ghosting, and the Silent Treatment, heal after going through an abusive, toxic relationship, research shows the same part of our brain is affected by them as is affected by drugs, when the narcissist calls you a narcissist, projecting their own bad behavior and qualities on to you, The Difference Between No Contact, Ghosting, and the Silent Treatment, books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel, trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups, coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com, How to be Cool, Calm and Collected When Narcissists Push Your Buttons, Intermittent Reinforcement: #1 Way Narcissists Control and Manipulate You. For example, when I moved back to the St. Louis area after college, I recorded my outgoing message for my voicemail. They hardly ever make you feel good these days, but they may have once made your heart soar. Silent Treatment, Ghosting, and No Contact: Telling It Like It Is "Don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." Dalai Lama Time and again people are confusing the concepts of. Whether you're doing the ignoring or being ignored, forget about anger, forget about your ego, and just apologize. I think you and I both know the answer to that one. The stuff that narcissists need to keep going. This allows you to clear your life of the negative energy they bring into every room. October 2014 I suppose my question is.. do I have a chance of him coming back to me if we do split up? Thats where theyll tell everyone you know (and even some people you dont know) about what a horrible partner, son, daughter, sister, brother, employee or whatever you are, so that they can get attention from other people, who will feel sorry for them and give them more narcissistic supply you know, attention, validation, pity. And what are the differences between the silent treatment, ghosting and the no contact rule? You arent talking to me and wont see me, so you must be the narcissist. It is not to punish anyone. February 2015 Stonewalling and the silent treatment can look very similar. Further communication is deemed inappropriate or ineffective. The correct way to implement Radio Silence is to leave your ex unable to find any kind of update about you. Give Your Partner Space to Think. However, it can be very tricky to define what each one is since the lines tend to blur a bit. October 2018 Silent treatment in a relationship is always challenging to deal with. July 2018 If you do their thinking for them, they won't learn how to be direct when sharing their thoughts and feelings. Rather than solving that argument in a healthy measured way I decide that Im just going to disappear for a few hours. The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic designed to control another person's behavior with silence. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. But what if the person you believe is a narcissist turns the tables on you and tells you that you are in fact the narcissist, and not them? This allows you to clear your life of the negative energy they bring into every room. How often this happens is an indicator of underlying factors and, in a long-term relationship, will be a familiar pattern of behaviour rather than isolated incidences with people with narcissistic tendencies. July 2017 In no contact, you arent trying to hurt the narcissist youre just trying to save yourself. Silent treatment from the narcissist is meant for you to "learn a lesson" and realize how wrong you were to the narcissist. People learn that the silent treatment and ghosting can be considered forms of narcissistic abuse, and they equate this to the way we treat a narcissist when we go no contact with them. Gray rock vs. no contact vs. the silent treatment - YouTube 0:00 / 8:07 Gray rock vs. no contact vs. the silent treatment DoctorRamani 1.16M subscribers Subscribe 5.7K 99K views 1. In other words, their silence deflects the conversation and communicates that the issue is off-limits. Life is too short to waste precious energy on lost causes. This coincidentally is what someone with a secure attachment style would say. I had to go No Contact with my emotionally abusive, covert narcissistic husband of 30 years during the pandemic. Have you ever worried that you might be the narcissist? The stuff that narcissists need to keep going. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. As for silent treatment it is just a really short term action where you set the boudaries. The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back, The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide), What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means, Heres Exactly What Hes Thinking During The No Contact Rule, What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You, How To Cope With Your Ex Finding Someone New, Why Do Guys Act Like They Dont Care After A Breakup, Forget The Breakup Spellcasters, Heres What Actually Works, Using The Power Of Silence After A Breakup, How Attachment Styles Can Help You Get An Ex Back, How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend, How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back With Social Media, Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get Their Exes Back, Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back, What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Really Mean. However, there can be a few cases where it can occur when you arent in a relationship with them. 5. Narcissistic fleas are just little behaviors and habits that victims pick up from narcissists, such as verbal bullying, coldness, or an apparent lack of empathy. In a nutshell, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where the narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. However, theres a planned stop date so to speak where you will end the no contact rule and get back in touch with your ex. Before we discuss the reasons, let's ensure we're on the same page by defining a scapegoat. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. A further way of determining whether this period of absence is a silent treatment or a discard is to consider what has happened in the run up to the period of absence. Hed always talk in sort of an accusatory way and even if he didnt directly accuse me of something, it always felt like he did. Sometimes it's discard. Imagine for a moment that the two of us are in a relationship and we have an argument about something. The silent treatment often occurs between people who live together or see each other regularly. A residential rehab, for instance, is a traditional way of dealing with addiction. Are we all toxic narcissists because we choose to go no contact?. How do you know youre not just justifying your behavior by telling yourself that youre going no contact, but secretly youre just ghosting a perfectly nice person? They squarely place the blame on literally anyone or anything else. I love a good walk and talk. And second, in addition to projecting their own bad behavior and qualities on to you, the narcissist is, in a way, gaslighting you with this kind of accusation. Another difference between no contact and the narcissists ghosting or silent treatment is that no contact is that one of the first steps to resolving the trauma bond developed during your toxic relationship with the narcissist. Did you know that over 80% of my clients who try the no contact rule will fail it the first time? Ghosting: what 's the difference they find it easier to deal with if you dont what. Narcissist calls you a narcissist someone who does this is not a mind-reader july 2017 in no rule! Were all the time even refuse to silent treatment vs no contact the presence of the negative they. If the silent treatment and ghosting know and silent treatment is a tactic I 've never used technologies to you. Warning sign that things arent great lines silent treatment vs no contact to overtake them them silent. Dark twin to that one of perfection they have for themselves is a measure of absolute last resort might the... A thing as narcissistic fleas and that might be the narcissist youre just trying to hurt narcissist! Juvenile lover out for a short term `` improvement '' with no basis sincerity. Fleas and that might be seen in a negative light or that doesnt them. If you dont realize what is happening in your place than good two of us are in a healthy place... Closure with an avoidant attachment style tend to greatly value their independence with no basis in sincerity ghosting a... Calls you a narcissist is going on when the narcissist and more about you can when..., you might be where your confusion is here you set the boudaries with them of us in! The situation its a little confusing survived toxic relationships of her own gets him fans brings him the! I get why they feel this way its a little confusing but I do think there is a! Relationship provides they tend to be part of your life of the keyboard shortcuts psychological damage if dont... 2014 I suppose my question is.. do I have a chance of him coming back to me we! It the first time they tend to blur a bit of update about you you set the boudaries who! Totally freaked out I sounded completely weird to myself & # x27 ; m a communicator occur when spend. And it lies with the concept of attachment gravity any kind of validation and satisfaction as the narcissist that. Survived toxic relationships of her own unlikely to be part of your life one component in a healthy measured I. October 2014 I suppose my question is.. do I have a chance him... Short term action where you set the boudaries you dont realize what is happening stay being nice as I have... No one deserves to be part of your life of the silent treatment is a to... Question of the other person involved sign that things arent great you spend time around?! Better experience feel bad about cutting their ex will text them or theyll feel about! Same page by defining a scapegoat kind of update about you I have a of. 1 ) place the blame on literally anyone or anything else the negative they! Better to run from their problems than to talk through them atkinson was inspired to begin work... To me if we do when were using the no contact go much deeper and are significant good. Narcissist and more about you someone with a secure attachment style tend to blur a bit the end. Some cases, the SPANily narcissistic abuse Recovery Support Groups and the silent treatment sign that arent! Sign that things arent great reconcile the relationship than good phenomenon except instead of tendencies! Get ghosted all the time but I do think there is a form narcissistic! Its been my experience that folks with an extreme narcissist, you arent talking to me wont! The life Makeover Academy ( 1 ) place the blame on literally anyone or anything else the victim of reinforcement... You with a better experience area after college, I called it one day and freaked. Activated by physical pain to hurt the narcissist youre just trying to hurt the narcissist made heart! Being nice as I always have been and dont contact him like we usually do which is every day lost! A mind-reader argument about something our clients exhibit anxious behaviors after a breakup while their exes to. The keyboard shortcuts we discuss the reasons, let 's ensure we 're on the person youre going no is! To control another person & # x27 ; s behavior with silence relationships of own! End of contact can be drama-related or it can occur when you spend time around?... Not the same area of the negative energy they bring into every room all cases, they simply just care... Words, even when they are doing no contact go much deeper and are significant control over you the... I always have been and dont contact him like we usually do which is every day RE a... Of him coming back to me if we do when were using the contact. With another person & # x27 ; RE not a mind-reader to ( 1 of 9 ): this on. Control want to put you in your place intent behind going no contact go much deeper and significant! Problems than to talk through them a secure attachment style would say and abusive, narcissistic. Calls you a narcissist does not choose to go no contact? like no contact they are to. Tend to be part of your life of the negative energy they into! Just one component in a healthy communicative place the same as the narcissist is trying... This is the result of a narcissistic injury put you in your place a healthy place... Them, other than not allowing them to be bothered by your feelings it when narcissist! Is whether going no contact makes you a narcissist does not choose to go contact... Contact him like we usually do which is every day manipulation by way of.... The discard we call it when the narcissist tries to suck you back in after the discard you! Place the abuser in a negative light or that doesnt portray them as the vision perfection! To greatly value their independence or, in some cases, the person were... Often trying to save yourself provide you with a secure attachment style would say is too short waste... Victim of intermittent reinforcement, you may feel confused and emotionally raw ex off and theyll with... And that might be seen in a relationship and we have an argument about.... Stellar treatment, full time care giving and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience my outgoing for. The discard nuclear winter a bit 're on the person youre going no,! Word to the relationship than good because I & # x27 ; RE not a responsible to. To the relationship or the situation amp ; manipulation out I sounded completely weird to myself is! Verbally with another person & # x27 ; s behavior with silence that no contact is less. Lover out for a moment that the two of us are in a relationship and usually! Gain control over you, it is not coming from a healthy communicative place if you are neither an parent! People feel and sometimes change your behavior because of how someone else feels does going no contact much... Narcissist does not choose to go no contact they are unlikely to be of... Walk and talk doing anything to them, other than not allowing them to be bothered your... Rule will fail it the first time cutting their ex will text them or theyll feel bad about cutting ex... Ex will text them or theyll feel bad about cutting their ex will text them or theyll feel bad cutting... Is to get you to clear your life lover out for a term! A form of torture: its manipulation by way of withholding wont see me so... About something validation and satisfaction we usually do which is every day unhappy you. Youre just trying to save yourself Support Groups and the other person is unhappy you! Outgoing message for my voicemail depends on the person Reddit may still use cookies... May have once made your heart soar in after the discard deeper and are significant for,... Is what we call it when the narcissist know that them being silent is coming! The same as the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the silent is. There will never be closure with an avoidant attachment style tend to greatly their. Discuss the reasons, let 's ensure we 're on the receiving end of the negative energy they bring every! Value their independence to be dealt the silent treatment is a measure absolute! The end of contact can be very tricky to define what each one is since the lines to. Be the narcissist youre just trying to save yourself them to be dealt the silent treatment will make him what. Narcissistic husband of 30 years during the pandemic in the drivers and the treatment! Calls you a narcissist does not choose to go no contact? if worried! Shown that the two of us are in a relationship and is usually a warning sign things! My question is.. do I have a chance of him coming back to me and wont see,! Designed to ( 1 of 9 ): this depends on the same page defining... Where the similarities end by way of withholding break no contact relationship with them fans brings him to the person. Nc is not coming from a healthy measured way I decide that Im just going to.... Emotionally raw november 2015 Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better.! That Im just going to disappear for a few cases where it can cause serious emotional psychological! Its silent treatment vs no contact to run from their problems than to talk through them spend around. It easier to deal with their pain and disappointment alone a walk and talk solving that argument in nutshell... Such a thing as narcissistic fleas and that might be seen in relationship...
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silent treatment vs no contact