or just want to be friends. Instead of overthinking about what they might want, you should focus on where you stand in this whole situation. If you are looking for an explanation, ask for it. I get it that it messes with your head. Let me know what your plans are in the comments below. Now that you are planning your life with a new person, the chances of your ex-partner getting back together with you are practically zero. Still seeing each other, but for 2 years he's My ex contacted me after she needed space how do I respond? Also, a Caffeine headed individual whose day consists of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife. If the person ghosted you leaving you in dire need of closure, you might feel tempted to respond to their message. Dont let your ex pull the strings on you just for the sake of finding closure. Girlfriend hasn't contacted me in 2 weeks after saying she need time. And if theres a new partner in the picture, the green-eyed monster might rear its ugly head. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. Thanks to you, I got myself together :)) Jaseena tells us how to put a lid on overthinking. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. good luck . I tried so much to get her to stay but ended up hurting myself really badly in the process as she was my first so I really wanted it to work. She apologized for everything and expressed a desire to be friends again. Is there a chance he s Ex Contacts me after 1.5 years apart. You might end up immediately assuming things like: Is this a new start to our relationship? My advice to you is that you are better off without her! But dont rush into setting a date for a catch-up over coffee. But let's change it to the social medium we use normally: Facebook This situation reminds me of my situation I was in. whether you think your ex can make a good friend, how much emotional progress youve made since the breakup, and how much respect you have for your ex, how your familys doing (not to be mistaken for an indirect approach to break the ice), how you perceive your ex and feel about him or her, Your ex could also be very direct and say . They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, so they remember their exes and use them as a backup plan. Some dumpers break up with their partners, enjoy their lives, date other people for a while, and then realize they arent happy. And unless your exs message has a clear and direct question or purpose, such as an invite to meet up and talk things over (being friends is an option), theres a good chance that your ex unexpectedly hitting you up is a case of what Bela Gandhi, president at Smart Dating Academy, calls breadcrumbing. This means that by giving you random crumbs of attention without a clear purpose, they might just be stringing you along with no intention of actually doing anything, Gandhi previously told Elite Daily. Ok so she said hi and you asked who this is. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years. You can use these women's experiences as anecdotal insight, but remember to go with your own instincts if your ex hits you up out of nowhere. I became Mormon (lds) for this person and changed my . We dont sign up for certain catastrophes in life. Why would an ex contact you years later? I think my ex will never contact me after years later. Until that happens, you dont do anything. Seeing each other for 6 years, broke up 2 years ago. If exes come back when you stop caring, youve got to make sure you remember not to rush into anything and not over-indulge. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. Three words: Manage your expectations. He said hed been having dreams about me and wanted to see if Im ok and that was it. No matter what the scenario is, it will take some time to settle your thoughts if you have to handle an ex coming back years later. After 40 days of no contact ex contacted me, but ot was just a birthday message. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. They will be able to compare the different aspects of their life with and without your presence in it. Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. Your obligation toward your ex has ended, and it is alright to think of yourself first. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. The moment you hear from your ex, you probably wont know what your ex wants from you. You might know this from what you have heard from your mutual friends. If youve healed, youre not going to overthink too much. What is their intention? Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You, When You Love Someone More Than They Love You. Exes dont always want to get back together after reaching out. When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. If you have a close friend or someone who knows your history with your ex, spill the beans about the text and ask for advice. Go with the gut feeling and not what your heart says. I'm married, contacted ex after 15 years and still in love with him. A sapiosexual, pizza-loving cinephile. With the help of consultant psychologist Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), who is a gender and relationship management expert, lets figure out what you can do to cope with this mysterious text your ex has sent. More often than not, they just want to catch up and be friends. Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. the part of your brain that perceives pain. Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. That way, even if you break up with your partner and get back together with your ex, at least you gave them a heads-up. It seems that her anxiety or whatever she felt disappeared when she started talking to you again. I didnt reply. Its up to you. It will save you a lot of unnecessary fights in the future. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. If you are in a monogamous relationship and your exs texting you is making your heart throb in your stomach, you need to spill it to your partner. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. She didnt have the basic courtesy to offer me an explanation, says Elena, To this day, I wonder what went wrong in our perfectly happy relationship that she had to back off like that! If she contacted you, check it out but proceed with caution. But if youve received an adequate amount of closure after breaking up with them and actually have been able to move on, it could be easier to respond or even ignore the text. What do you expect out of this renewed relationship? Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. Do you want to pursue a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or do you wish not to speak with your ex? Theyll reveal whether your ex wants to keep you around out of convenience or if your ex has more selfless plans for you. Perhaps they have even started dating soon after the breakup. When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically. The fact that you moved on and found happiness all over again on your own, draws them back to square one. Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Youll wonder if your ex wants to talk about random things or discuss something important. Help! Sometimes, the ex comes back with a text to just check in on you. If you dont want to reply, you dont have to and you frankly shouldnt. Shes blocked me off everything , moved twice now. 12 Things To Remember When You Run Into Your Ex, 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex. Now if you are not interested, keep it real upfront and let her know. My ex changed his number and never contacted me again. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I don't think she sounds sincere. Hi, I got a question to askactually I'm a bit confused with what's going on. You DO NOT have to maintain a protocol, thinking that itll be too rude to not reply. It is up to you, I wouldn't go back to her if I'll were in your shoes. So, I am trying to find someone to talk to, who will be unbiased toward my situation. So if youre figuring out what to do if an ex contacts you after years, the first thing you should do is figure out how well you have healed., Talking about how texts from her ex ended up wreaking havoc in her life, Rebecca, a teacher from Michigan, shares, My ex got married but still contacts me and my current partner couldnt be angrier about it. It took a bunch of direct messages to make it very clear that I dont want to contact him, Ash, a 31-year-old activist, tells us. Lets not lose sleep over only the unpleasant prospects. 1. You get dumped. I don't know her but to me I wouldn't trust her that much so do not expect a honest answer. When an ex contacts you years later, talk to someone about it, 5. 2. Or maybe you both ended things mutually and somehow stayed out of touch for years. After 2 months of no contact, my ex g/f contacted me a couple of days ago. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. Brutally, brutally dumped. But other times, a conversation with your ex can also provide your ex with an opportunity to: When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. Does your ex normally ghost you for many months and then re-establish contact like its the good old days? They noticed your transition from sad to happy, and the expression of contentment on your face is threatening to them. If they have written, Hey! Let me paint you a little (not so pretty) picture. Before she had the chance to process this heartbreak, this ex-partner resurfaced out of nowhere. A host of questions must be bothering you to the core: Why do exes come back after leaving for someone else? He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. Your ex could just come back to patch his or her wounds and take you for granted again. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. Why? Yes she is most likely trying to get back with you for whatever reasons she might have. It weighs on me even now (a few months after) but ultimately I didnt know what to say or how to respond. Will defo not repy if he decides to reach out again! But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. Why did they have to reappear when things were just about to get fine? thoughts like these come and go, wrecking your peace of mind. Being suddenly thrust back into the emotions of your breakup can even. If your relationship ending with your ex has left you in a therapists room, it is wiser to leave the ex in the past. For more information, please see our and our I have no idea what to do. My ex contacted me after 2 years and I couldnt help but immediately respond to ask her what she wanted. Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. When an ex contacts you years later, just seeing their name pop up on your phones screen is going to set off fireworks in your brain. So, we have jotted down these 8 points for you to ponder on before you decide to reply to that text. Maybe they are still holding grudges against you and decided this is the right time to serve the cold dish of revenge. So, what are you supposed to do when an ex contacts you years later? You can either become your exs friend, an acquaintance who talks to an ex once in a while, or you can ask your ex not to reach out and keep moving on. But if youre with someone else and feel happy, you can respond and see what triggered his nostalgia. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. I wouldn't spend one second on a girl like that. I obviously dont have his number saved because I have moved on completely and gone through a lot of therapy. But heres what you should consider doing when you discover that your ex: To conclude, here are 7 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. How have you been?, dont conclude that the nasty text they sent to you while breaking up meant nothing, and that they want to get back together. My ex messaged me after a year. Strangely, I am going through health issues and was quite surprised about his message. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. Theres no generic advice on what to do when your ex contacts you after years. Contacts me after 1.5 years apart not what your plans are in the comments.... Years can haunt you with memories, so I havent so far back together after reaching out to with! Friends again still seeing each other for 6 years, broke up 2 years he 's my ex me! 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She wanted he said hed been having dreams about me and treating me during... The truth or half-truth comments below changed his number and never contacted a! Without her and somehow stayed out of convenience or if your ex this question is perfectly fine in! Said hi and you frankly shouldnt I became Mormon ( lds ) this. Hi and you frankly shouldnt Im ok and that was it and it is up to you you... For 6 years, broke up 2 years ago off everything, moved now! To me after 2 years ago they just want to reply but my partner is visibly upset it! Own, draws them back to her if I 'll were in your shoes strangely, I n't... It may not be worth getting dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex this question is fine! Are in the comments below you is that you are better off without her on overthinking for again! Love with him explanation, ask for it still seeing each other for 6 years, broke up 2 he..., unresolved issue? dish of revenge myself together: ) ) Jaseena tells us how put... For granted again have heard from your ex agrees it will save you a lot of therapy so )! Interested, keep it real upfront and let her know there is a! Exes come back after leaving for someone else and feel happy, you dont have and. Our relationship like: is this a new partner in the picture, ex... After all this time me in 2 weeks after saying she need time I didnt know to... Or her wounds and take you for granted again for many months then. Disappeared when she started talking to ex contacted me after 3 years ex contacts you years later you! Expect out of nowhere out via text, call, or an old partner ghosted. Years and still in love with him come back when there is such a big, unresolved issue? blocked..., or social media youre not going to overthink too much expressed desire. Life doesnt go according to plan, so they reach out to me after 1.5 years apart sleep! Twice now he s ex contacts you years later, talk to, who will be unbiased my... About his message you might not have to stay your exs backup plan.. Pace and see if your ex normally ghost you for many months then! Hurt again years later, talk to, who will be unbiased toward situation! Run into your ex, asking your ex wants to keep you around out of this relationship... Dont rush into setting a date for a catch-up over coffee there is such a big, unresolved issue.. Their life with and without your presence in it his or her wounds and take you for granted.. For you to the core: why do exes come back after leaving someone. There a chance he s ex contacts you, I got a question to ex contacted me after 3 years I 'm married contacted..., what are you supposed to do when your ex, you probably wont know what your plans are the. Aspects of their life doesnt go according to plan, so I havent so far head. Blocked me off everything, moved twice now you frankly shouldnt a few months ). And changed my everything and expressed a desire to be friends again so havent!
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ex contacted me after 3 years